"One ought, everyday at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and speak a few reasonable words." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Infinite Human Stupidity

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein 

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." 
--Elbert Hubbard

I was waiting in the line at the supermarket, when one of the headlines on the magazine rack caught my eye.  It was the June/July 2011 issue of the Reader's Digest and the headline was, "The World's Dumbest: Criminals, Celebrities, Lawsuits, Tweets and More." I was instantly reminded of the quotes above, so I picked it up. I've always been a fan of the Darwin Awards website and have been thinking I'd pick an especially hilarious awardee to go along with my "Stupid quotes" (as I call them),  but I haven't done it because I've been unable to reconcile the death factor associated with the Darwin Awards (the whole premise of the awards is that the act of stupidity lead to death, thereby aiding natural selection and evolving the species by ridding the world of their stupidity).  The concept is a little harsh. And since one does not have to die to be stupid sometimes, I prefer the Reader's Digest version.  I'll post a few of my favorites from the article, but you'll have to go pick up the magazine if you crave more (and trust me, there's a lot more). I hope you'll enjoy, but don't let the stupidity of others make you feel too superior. Last time I checked, we all still fit into the "Human" category. ;) 

No Shirt/No Hands/No Service
A Florida bank refused to let a man born without arms cash his wife's check, even though he provided two forms of identification. The reason given: He couldn't provide a thumbprint.

Dumb Warning Labels
On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.
On a brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end: Harmful if swallowed.
On a cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner.
On a carpenter's electric drill: This product not intended for use as a dental drill. 
On a thermometer: Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.
On a dishwasher: Do not allow children to play IN the dishwasher.

Cruisin' and Losin'
An IPod was stolen from a convertible outside a Walmart. The owner, said police, locked the doors, rolled up the windows, and turned on the alarm...but left the top down.

The owner of a computer shop convinced a customer that his computer virus was part of an evil plot by Polish priests linked to the religious organization Opus Dei, authorities say. The priests were a threat to not only the man's family, he insisted, but also to the entire United States. The best safeguard: regular credit card charges amounting to some $6 million over six years paid to the owner of the computer shop--who insisted he was working with the CIA--to ensure protection from the priests. (The owner plead 'not guilty').

Wrong Team
In honor of Remembrance Day--when British Commonwealth countries honor their fallen veterans--the Scottish soccer team Airdrie United found the perfect photograph for its program cover: World War II era nurses handing water to grinning Allied troops. Accompanying it were the words Lest we forget and Supporting our heroes. It was very moving, even though it was actually a photo of World War II era German nurses handing water to grinning Nazi soldiers.

Dumb Celebrities
"That's why I don't eat friggin' lobster. Because they're alive when you kill it." --Snookie, Jersey Shore

On brushing her teeth: "I just use Listerine. Sometimes I'll use my sweater." --Jessica Simpson

Actress Taylor Momsen, when asked what she was doing to help Haiti after the devastating earthquake, "Right now, I'm trying to just finish my record and get through the last season of Gossip Girl. So not so much thinking about that."

1 comment:

  1. Loving your blog! I especially look forward to your Calvin and Hobbes posts - it's my favorite comic strip. I SO miss book club and the interesting discussions! Hope you are doing well!