"One ought, everyday at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and speak a few reasonable words." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

On Profanity

“Al Gore took a Viagra and grew two feet.” 
--Larry the Cable Guy

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t use profanity. I’m not a total prude about it; it’s just a personal preference not to use words outside of their defined meanings. I also like to be a little different than the rest of the herd, and let’s face it, swearing is definitely not unique. On occasion, I have been known to use a curse word when quoting someone else, or when I believe the word will enhance a point; mostly for comedic purposes. But I’m not really that funny, so that’s decidedly rare.

But I love the word bastard.

Where the other, crasser curse words don’t tempt me, bastard does. It’s so little used and has such a funny sound, it appeals to my sense of humor and love of the uncommon. However, I can’t really find an appropriate way to use it in line with its definition, so I never get to say it.

But I have found an old, similar sounding word that isn’t considered profane and can be used according to its definition. At first I thought I made it up because I had never heard it used as a noun. But I looked it up in the dictionary, and there it was; a real word:

Dastard: n. A person who acts treacherously or underhandedly. Cowardly. Sneaking. Malicious.

It’s uncommon. It’s got that same funny sound that feels alive and bouncy in my mouth. It can be easily used in line with its definition. It’s a little shocking. It’s perfect!

I used the Larry the Cable Guy quote above for this post because I thought it would be funny to play a little passive aggressive fill in the blank. Just take out the Al Gore and replace it with your favorite dastard. Don't forget to post it in the comments!

"                                           took a Viagra and grew two feet."


  1. bahahahahaha. This is so hilarious. I literally laughed out loud. I was thinking of Laura the whole time reading it, as she had hyped me to your clever word combination during our recent visit to salt lake. I couldn't help thinking (sarcastically, of course), "Gee, I wonder - whose name can we put in that blank?" haha. And then I read her comment and it sent me over the edge. Haha. Funny stuff!